Willow Vine Counselling

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that feels entirely out of your control? If so, you are not alone. The past year unexpectedly evolved into a chapter where many of us were faced with challenging scenarios. Was the global pandemic out of your control? Absolutely. What about ongoing political tensions? Yes, again. However, while it becomes easy to focus on what is out of your control, you can rewrite the script to depict what is in your control. You have the power to swap out the worst-case scenario that lives in your head to a best-case situation that can guide you forward in a positive direction.

Oxford Languages defines ambiguity as “the quality of being open to more than one interpretation; inexactness.”  Therefore, an ambiguous situation can be looked at as any circumstance where the outcome is unclear. You may have heard of the freeze, fight, flight, or fawn responses when dealing with a traumatic situation. Freeze refers to a “deer in headlight” scenario where it becomes difficult to move or make a decision, fight is when the person becomes aggressive or defensive, flight is running from the situation, and fawn is defined by instinctively attempting to please someone to avoid conflict. When faced with an imminent threat, these responses can be useful in protecting us from danger (think of an antelope fleeing from a lion, or slamming on the car brakes when a driver abruptly cuts you off). However, for those of us who have experienced trauma, deal with anxiety, or are unsure how to handle difficult times, the freeze, fight, flight or fawn responses can become the body’s “go-to” mode, resulting in elevated stress levels.  

Instead of freezing, fighting, or fleeing, you can learn to retrain your mind to navigate ambiguous situations in a healthy and productive way. Follow these three simple steps to tackle uncertainty with mindfulness and ease:  

Recognize your emotions. The first step in handling an ambiguous situation is recognizing when you feel out of control. Vietnamese Buddhist monk, peace activist and world-renowned author Thich Nhat Hahn, explains how to recognize and transform negative emotions in his book Peace Is Every Step. He says:  
“The first step in dealing with feelings is to recognize each feeling as it arises. The agent that does this is mindfulness. In the case of fear, for example, you bring out your mindfulness, look at your fear, and recognize it as fear. You know that fear springs from yourself and that mindfulness also springs from yourself. They are both in you, not fighting, but one taking care of the other. The second step is to become one with the feeling. It is best not to say, “Go away, Fear. I don’t like you. You are not me.” It is much more effective to say, “Hello, Fear. How are you today?” Then you can invite the two aspects of yourself, mindfulness and fear, to shake hands as friends and become one.”

Speaking to your emotions will help you detach from them. You are not your anxiety - you are experiencing anxiety. Although uncomfortable, these feelings are normal and okay. By first recognizing the emotions and feelings that surface in a situation, you will be able to reduce them. When we experience fear, stress or anxiety, our mind usually writes the script for a worst-case scenario. However, this script can be changed at any moment by the writer - you! Only by recognizing your inner dialogue will you be able to replace it with something positive. 

Realize what you can control. Yes, some things are simply out of our control. There is nothing you could have done differently to prevent COVID-19. You cannot wake up each morning and decide the daily forecast. However, more is in your control than you may realize. You have the ability to control your response to every ambiguous situation. Let’s start small. In most cases, you have control over your body. You can practice yoga and eat nourishing foods. You have control over the information you consume. You can choose to listen to sources that make you feel good and limit those that drive fear. Take a moment and think: what are all the things you are in control over today? Now, control what you can, and surrender to the rest.

Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Let’s look at the scene you've typed up. Perhaps you’ve lost your job due to COVID and your monologue looks something like this: 
“I will never be able to find another job in the current state of the world. I won’t be able to make money and my family will starve. My career has been ripped out from under me. I have been doing the same work for 20 years and am unsure how to do anything differently. It’s too late to start over. What’s the point of trying when everything seems hopeless? I feel completely lost.”  
Cue a racing heart and foggy mindset. You see? This script has instantaneously brought on feelings of anxiety.  Now, let’s rewrite the dialogue with a best-case scenario by first focusing on what you are in control of: 
“I’ve lost my job and there is nothing I could have done to change this. However, change is good and I always have other options, even if I don’t know all of them now. Currently, I am aware of a few different options. First, I can collect unemployment benefits until I figure out my next step. While I am on government assistance, I can use the time I would have spent at my workplace looking for another job. There are thousands of jobs out there and I know that I will find another one that’s right for me. Alternatively, I could look at this chapter as a period of reflection and re-direction. Although I had financial security, I wasn’t so happy at my last job. Perhaps I could take this time to think about what I really want to do. In the meantime, I will enjoy a much-needed break and the extra time with my family.” 

Both scripts are written from the same situation, yet they are completely different. The first focuses on lack, while the second highlights abundance and gratitude.

Now, this is just one example of an ambiguous situation, and every circumstance will have a different dialogue. However, by recognizing that you feel out of control in a situation, realizing what you are in control of, and then replacing your worst-case dialogue with a best-case scenario, you have the power to turn a stressful scenario into an empowering one.

info@willowvinecounsellingandyogatherapy.ca

(613) 690 - 4075