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Boundaries are important.
But what are they?
And how do you identify those boundaries that resonate most with you?

Many people have trouble setting a boundary, let alone figuring out what their boundaries look like. This not knowing, can exacerbate all kinds of mental health issues, as a sense of overwhelm, agitation and anxiousness around individuals who consistently cross their boundaries is noticed. Boundaries can be likened to speed bumps. They are there to get you to slow down, address them and continue on with your drive. When the boundary, oftentimes subconscious, isn’t respected, then there comes a full and sudden stop, which can be extremely uncomfortable.

So how exactly do you go about figuring out what your boundaries are?

There is an exercise that I like to do with my clients involving a piece of string/ribbon/yoga strap/anything that is long enough, that you can check out here. When it comes down to it though, it really has to do with identifying what your needs and values are, which will then determine the boundaries you set in your life.

Figuring out what your boundaries are also requires listening to how you feel in certain situations. If you’re feeling agitated ask yourself what is going on. Is it because a boundary has been violated? Mindfulness can be key in this process because it forces you to be interoceptive. What are you noticing? What’s going on around you? It’s hitting that pause button and really noticing what’s going on in your body and how it relates to what is going on in your life.
For example: ask yourself what resonates with you in relationship to others? What are those needs and how do you set get them met? For many people, a need is having clear communication with the people around them, which corresponds with the underlying value of being seen and heard. Your responsibility is to communicate the need for respectful and clear communication, and if the person in your life is not able to meet that need, it is OK to set that boundary and hang up the phone. It's important that a boundary has consequences otherwise others won’t often respect that it’s there. Enforcing that boundary allows you to have self-agency; that volition to take care of yourself and not abandon or push aside your needs.

It is important to note that boundaries can be about anything and they are unique to the individual. They can also change day to day depending on how much sleep you got, your stress levels, triggers, anything that can affect how you feel in an individual moment. It is important to honour where you are at and enforce your boundaries based on how you feel at the time. It’s really that interoceptive piece; assessing what your needs are and what is best for you in that moment.
Identifying and setting boundaries is a process and not something that happens overnight. It’s not easy, however, it is worth working on; knowing your boundaries and setting them can be extremely beneficial for your self-esteem and mental health in general.